The World Has A Decisiveness Issue
"I am cool with whatever" isn't as chill and relaxed as you think.
My legs began to ache as they trudged hill after rolling hill, screaming for me to stop as I inched forward. I was hopping, jumping, and dodging divots in the dirt to maintain a pace that kept up with my sister. My legs felt like immovable mounds of mass with each step getting heavier and harder. I spent the morning at an Olympic weightlifting class where the coach turned to me and said, “You picked a very hard day to come.” Boy, she was right because my legs were screaming in agony now.
I was struggling on a trail run with my sister, one of her new hobbies. I didn’t realize my mistake before my shoes were coated in dirt, my legs felt like 1,000 pounds, and my ankles were twisted and turned in every direction to avoid the divots and bumps. It didn’t take long for me to reach a decision. This had to stop. I asked my sister if we could run on the main dirt path and avoid the rolling trails that split off for the sake of my legs. She obliged. It was the most decisive I had been all trip.
The run continued, and my legs thanked me. My sister asked me what I wanted for dinner and any places I wished to see. I said, “ I am cool with whatever.” The classic line that implies you are such an easygoing, relaxed person. You can enjoy anything. Except, she did not like that response. Understandably, so. I wasn’t as chill and easygoing as I thought I was. No, I was quite indecisive.
The book Algorithms to Live By, mentions computational kindness. The idea is to do some of the decision computation on your end first to minimize the mental effort of others. But it is not the default solution to a common problem. Instead, the carefree, unconstrained person wants to be the most accommodating person possible and doesn’t decide. In their heads, they are only helping the other person. I thought I was helping my sister by giving her zero constraints. However, I failed to realize something. I was unloading all the decisions, planning, and effort onto her, which is frankly unkind. I had done none of the computation.
We were in Los Angeles. In one of the most populous cities in the world, the opportunities are endless. You can do whatever you want, but that doesn’t help when trying to make a decision. The idea of “being cool with whatever” is debilitating for the person trying to plan.
My statement was met with resistance, and I was told to suggest ideas first. I had to do some of the computation and not defer it all to her. “I am cool with whatever” quickly became “I want to eat at the best spots in LA that you can’t find elsewhere, go for a hike near Topanga with the best views, and shop at the spots the locals love.” Now, she had a framework to work within—constraints that allowed her to become creative.
But this is not an issue that solely exists on where we want to eat and how we want to spend our day. Life has a decisiveness issue.
People are crippled trying to figure out how they allocate their money. They defer to what society tells them and buy a house as an investment vehicle, invest in target funds, and buy bonds without considering if it meets their needs and risk tolerance. When men have to plan a date night, it’s “Ummmm… Hahaha… I don’t know. What do you think?” Instead of “I made reservations at eight at X restaurant. I will pick you up at 7:30. Afterwards, if the night is still young, Y Bar is close by.” We even sit down to watch a Netflix show before our head hits the pillow, but fall asleep having never watched a show because we couldn’t decide among the 563 options.
Sure, we have more options than ever, but our preferences and personalities have not disappeared. It is teetering too far one way. It is hard to find a person who is too decisive, but it is easy to find one who can never decide. Decisiveness is needed or life will continue to move along without getting what you desire.
Of course, it is especially important when dealing with others. Kindness and attentiveness exist when you decide. It is thinking about the other person before yourself. You can lay the groundwork to work from, which makes their life easier. You reduce their mental effort and don’t place all the computation on them.
Apple ascended because Steve Jobs was decisive. He didn’t defer to others. He was ruthless in deciding and left little grey area. Sure, this backfired sometimes, but Apple wouldn’t be the eighth-largest company in the world if not for Steve Jobs. He wasn’t alone either. Some of our greatest visionaries, leaders, and personalities are known for their decisiveness. Margaret Thatcher, Martin Luther King Jr., and Matthew McConaughey are all applauded for their decisiveness.
It was never, “I don’t know. I am cool with whatever. What do you think?” for Steve Jobs or Margaret Thatcher. It was more of this is what we are doing and our first step to get there. The magic slowly ensued.
It is not overthinking. It is not indecisiveness. It is less “Uhhh… I don’t know what do you think? I am cool with whatever.” An entire life can be wasted overthinking, being indecisive. Windows close. Paths get overgrown. Waves crash. The food gets cold. Act decisively. You will thank yourself, and those around you will thank you.
I know my sister will next time I visit. I will have places I want to eat, things I want to do, and paths I want to run. Jump. Decide. Bite into something. Jean Paul Sartre says it well,
“I have led a toothless life.
A toothless life.
I have never bitten into anything.
I was waiting.
I was reserving myself for later on—and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone.”
-Scantron
Appreciate you for reading. May 2025 be your best year yet.
We trick ourselves into thinking we don’t hold opinions on things, when in reality, we always have at least a gut reaction—we’ve just trained ourselves to invalidate it